The decision to place a baby for adoption, though incredibly hard and devastating, is the most profound and selfless choice women can make. Adoption is not a choice for every person – but for some, it is the only choice. And that is okay. Adoption is an emotional journey and at the center of that journey is courage and sacrifice. Making an adoption plan and navigating pregnancy while working with an adoption agency can be overwhelming, but it is important also to understand what happens afterward. Every birthmother has the right to transparency, clarity, and support as they prepare for and navigate life after placing a baby for adoption.
What Happens After Placing A Baby For Adoption?
The Emotional Ups And Downs
After placing your baby for adoption, the emotions can flood. They are wide ranging and sometimes they happen all at once. It can be confusing and encouraging at the same time. It is common to experience relief, grief, sadness, pride, excitement, guilt, resentment, anger, loss, and heartbreak all at once. Remember, it is normal to feel these emotions and they are each valid. This is not an easy decision to make, the healing from it is no different. Let yourself experience the emotions as they come. Every birthmother has a different experience and yours is just as valid as another.
Post-Adoption Agreements
Depending on the type of adoption plan you created, you may have contact with the adoptive family. You may receive texts, emails, phone calls, video calls, or photos. Each adoption plan is unique. For many women, knowing that they will be able to witness aspects of their child’s life is comforting and can aid in the healing journey. However, communication can trigger more emotions as well as thoughts and feelings you aren’t expecting.
If you opted for a closed adoption, you may experience feelings of isolation and being forgotten. This does not mean that your choice was not full of love and selflessness. you might not have ongoing contact with the adoptive family or your child.
If you are struggling during this time, please reach out for support. There are support groups, therapy and peers who can provide emotional support and comfort during this time.
Grieving and Healing
After placing your baby for adoption, grieving is natural. It may start in waves of ups and downs and can be triggered by milestones, memories and anniversaries. Many women experience very intense grief and still do not regret their decision. The grief is a symbol of the deep love and connection you have with your child.
Healing after placing a baby for adoption is different for different people. There is no timeline. There is no “right way”. Some birthmothers find comfort and community in connecting with other birthmothers. Creative outlets and spiritual practices are incredible ways to process emotions and find solace. The important part is that you allow yourself time and permission to heal.
Finding A Support System
In-person and online support groups can be an immense help for birthmothers who need connection after placing a baby for adoption. These are safe spaces where you can share your story, hear similar experiences, connect, and find others who understand what you are going through. Adoption counselors and therapists who are trained in post-adoption support are an invaluable resource.
If your friends and family want to be supportive, let them. Keep yourself in the company of trusted people who respect your decision. You are a mountain of strength even if you don’t feel like it at the time. You made an incredibly difficult choice, even through the hard emotions you stayed on the path that felt right for you and that is so hard to do. There are people who will celebrate your strength and love and those are the people you should reach out to when you need it!
Not Moving On, But Moving Forward
Your self-identity does not have to be defined by placing a baby for adoption. Yes, it is an integral part of your story. Yes, there are times that you will express your life as “before” or “after” the adoption, but it is not the only thing that makes you who you are. There were reasons that adoption was chosen. Now is the time to work toward the things that can help you feel fulfilled. Some women pursue personal and professional goals that were set aside during their pregnancy. Some become advocates for adoption and use their own experiences to educate and support others.
The healing process after you place a baby for adoption can be revealing. You may rediscover yourself and your dreams. Placing a baby for adoption is not the end of your story. Healing after adoption is about honoring yourself and your future. You are deserving of everything you want in life. Now is the time to not move on- but move forward.
Support Resources After Placing A Baby For Adoption
Many adoption agencies offer post-adoption support services for birthmothers. These can include:
- Counseling Services: Professional counselors can help you process your emotions and provide tools for coping with grief and healing.
- Support Groups: Connecting with other birthmothers who understand your experience can be incredibly healing.
When you feel like it the least, reach out. You will find so much assistance, guidance, love and support that you don’t even realize you need.