First of all, it is normal to have fears when you are going through an adoption. Everything is completely unknown. This is something you have never experienced before and probably don’t know alot about. Open-adoption comes with the same amount of emotional carry-on’s that any other type of adoption would. There are pros and cons in each situation. Not all birthmothers have the same experience. Mine was scary. Here’s why:
4 Normal Open Adoption Fears To Have
What I Want Is Not Really What I Want
During the adoption, I didn’t know what I wanted. I only knew what felt right. What I wanted and what I felt was the right choice were two different things – and the first one wasn’t an option…it was a want. So “wanting” an open-adoption was like choosing one of two doors that I didn’t necessarily want to go through. But, it felt better than the alternative.
What If The Adoptive Family Doesn’t Follow Through With Our Agreement?
It was terrifying to think that the adoptive family would not honor our agreement. The agreement encompassed all of my trust and I knew that any break in that agreement would destroy my trust and cause heartbreak. Fearing heartbreak is completely normal and healthy. But allowing fear to lock you into a legally binding contract (like a closed adoption) is not what you want to do. Have faith.
What If I Change My Mind About How Open I Want To Be?
This was a constant thought during my pregnancy and the adoption process. Not knowing how involved I would want to be after the adoption because I didn’t know how I was going to feel. Would I be impacted by pictures, letters, or speaking to the Adoptive family? It was hard because I did not know how I would to react. There was a deep desire to protect myself emotionally. At the same time, I wanted to make myself available to them. What if I made the wrong decision? I made sure that I voiced that to my adoption specialist at Premier Adoption who made that clear to the Adoptive Family. I also voiced this clearly to the Adoptive family myself. It is important to keep the line of communication open, especially when you feel afraid.
What If The Adoptive Family Expects More From Me Than I Can Give?
Another huge struggle for me. Honestly, at the time, I did not know how financially stable my future would be. I didn’t know if I would take trips to visit or how emotionally available I would be. I had several emotionally difficult events happening at once during the adoption – it was a roller coaster and I did not want to be seen as unstable or incompetent and I did NOT want to disappoint them. That was a big fear of mine – that I would not be able to follow through with our agreement. If that is the case for you, remember that life is life. Some things are beyond your control and others are not. Grab your life by both hands and make it into the life you want.
Even though I don’t know everything about adoption, I do know that birth mothers are the most strong, courageous women I have ever met. Birthmothers can persevere like no one else. The future is unknown, so adoption is scary for everyone. But birth mothers have an amazing ability to overcome fear, and they do that with the same love that chose adoption for them – that incredible unconditional love for their child. We have to allow that love for ourselves.
If you are considering adoption and want to learn more about open adoption plans or anything else regarding adoptions in Nevada, contact Premier Adoption Agency today. Kind and compassionate specialists at Premier will help you discover what you want and if adoption is the right path for you.